A few years ago I didn't know a lot of people and I tried to hang out as much as possible so I could make some friends. Well, I remember one faithful day when I was invited to hang out with a bunch that wasn't exactly "my type." Now, I'm not snoody but we all have people that we don't 100% get along with. Well, this group has like 5 of those people in it all at once. Between the cackling, geeky jokes and prima donnas it was enough to drive a grown man insane... but I didn’t have any friends. Maybe I just need to relax and get in where I fit in. Maybe I ought to just go with the flow. So I decide to go with them to Discover Mills Mall. Everything is fine until the plans changed. We all get there and for some reason, my mind seems to have blocked some of the incident away… probably for my own good, “someone” makes the decision that we really all ought to go to one of their homes and watch a movie instead. OK, now you’re pushing it. I’m fine with you in public but now I have to go to your lair, I mean home. Grrrrr. And to make matter worst “someone” decided that it would be best if we all carpooled. Now I don’t know about you, but my momma always taught me; “If you go somewhere take your own car… so when you’re ready to leave… you can get up and go.” I said; “Guys, you know what I’m gonna take my car.” They were like no, no, ride with us. I was like; “Naw, don’t worry about it. I’ll drive myself. There’s not enough room in there, anyway.” They were like; Come on. Come on.” It got to the point where if I resisted anymore I would look like a real jerk. So… I got in the car. My spidey sense is going nuts as we pull away from the Discovery Mills Parking lot and I can see nothing but bad images running through my head.
We make it to the house and things are worst then I ever would have expected. The normal annoying behavior that drove me crazy was now somehow magnified now that we were behind closed doors. It was my own personal prison cell. I wanted to believe that as soon as the movie started (Which will remain unnamed... you know.. to protect the parties involved) all would be well but somehow deep inside I knew that just wasn’t true. I made it through the previews and opening credits and awwwww the movie… “Cackle, Cackle, Cackle! Blah, Blah, Blah. Ha, Ha, Ha. My brain! My brain is melting and I’m about to snap. Something, something wrong, something vile, something really rude is about to come flying out of my mouth towards everyone here. Quick. Think of something. Think of something now. And like the first flower of Spring, like the brightest rainbow you’ve ever seen… I get an idea. I take one of the pillows from the couch, lay it behind me and proceed to pretend to be asleep.
I lay there for the entire 175 minutes; motionless and emotionless. I hear the entire movie but dare not move. I hear them say; Man, Avery just passed out. Why didn’t he just stay home.” I wanted to stand up and say; “Why didn’t you just let me drive my own car. I would have left 174 minutes ago.” but that would have ruined the whole thing. I tell you what; after 6 years in the Marine Corps, trained to kill and avoid hostile forces at the drop of a hat… I had to resort to pretending to be asleep. It was a sad day in military history.
Have you ever done anything to get out of a sticky situatiton? Oh, come on. What's your story?
2 comments:
That was sad sad sad.... I bet you never went anywhere without your car again...lol! Is that why you only stay within a 10 mile radius of home....
You could have gone into the bathroom and started making wretching noises...then you could have left IF YOU HAD KEPT YOUR CAR...
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